Phillis Benson Life Coach - Divorce, Relationship, Job & Life Transitions

Sharing Grief ~ Opening to Receive Comfort

Phillis Benson — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:29:13 +0000

Grief is part of the human experience, and sharing our vulnerability helps create truly close bonds.

When we experience something that causes us to feel shock and sadness, we may feel the urge to withdraw from life. It may seem like remaining withdrawn will keep us protected from the world, but during these times it is important to reach out to those trusted and precious people who care about us the most. Even with our best information and reasoning, we never know when someone else’s experience or perspective can give us additional information that we need. The universe speaks to us through many channels, and when we open ourselves up to receive its messages, we also receive nurturing care from a loving partner in life’s journey.

Grief is part of the human experience, and sharing our vulnerability is what creates truly close bonds in our relationships. Opening ourselves up in this way gets to the core of our being, past all of our defenses and prejudices. When life seems to crack the outer shell of our world, we are both raw and fresh at the same time. It is then that we discover who is truly willing to walk with us through life. We also see that some of those sent to us may not be the ones we expected to see. Regardless, we learn to trust in the universe, in others, in our own strength and resilience, and in the wisdom of life itself.

Sharing grief allows us to ease our burden by letting someone else help carry it. This helps us process our own inner thoughts and feelings through the filter of a trusted and beloved someone. We may feel guilty or selfish, as if we are unloading on someone who has their own challenges. Although, if we think about it, we know we would do the same for them, and their protests would seem pointless.

Remember that not sharing feelings with others denies them the opportunity to feel. We may be the messenger sent by the universe for their benefit, and it is on this mission that we have been sent. By sharing our hopes and fears, joys and pains with another person, we accept the universe’s gifts of wisdom and loving care.

Are you ready to commit to Yourself and reconnect with YOU – release the Past and Live in the NOW? Then sign up for a VIP Strategy Session or perhaps a Mini Visioning Map Session Commit to yourself and see YOURSELF come to life . . . you can find out more about those tools by clicking here!

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session - Six spots available for March!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

The Weight of the Past

Phillis Benson — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 16:24:06 +0000

Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go.

It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This attachment can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. We know that something new and beautiful can grow in its place if we only prepare the soil and plant the right seeds. We also know that we create our lives from our thoughts, so dwelling on the past may actually recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make the choice again and again. We can choose to move on right now by applying what we have learned to the present and perhaps even sharing with others, transforming the energy into something that is constructive and creative for ourselves and others.

Forgiveness is the soothing balm that can heal regret. In meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue with the self of our past and offering our forgiveness for the choice. In return, we can ask for our selves’ forgiveness for keeping them locked in that space of judgment for so long. We may also want to ask forgiveness from anyone else who may have been affected and perhaps offer our forgiveness. By replaying the event in our minds, we can choose a new ending using all that we now know. Imagine that you have actually gone back into the past and made this change, and then say goodbye to it. Release your former self with a hug and bring the forgiveness and love back with you to the present. Since we are usually our harshest critics, it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer ourselves love.

Keeping our minds and our energy fully in the present allows us to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well-being today. This action frees our energy to create the dreams we dream for the future. By taking responsibility and action in the present, we can release our hold on the past.

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session - Six spots available for March!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Energy of FUN

Phillis Benson — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 18:49:50 +0000

**SAY YES to Fun!**

Make FUN your main focus today, especially if recent experiences have been filled with challenges. Allow YOUrself to feel gregarious and be inclined to seek others out – to engage in dynamic and intellectually stimulating conversations.

Perhaps everyday social activities involving friends and family can hold a particular appeal to you.

Remember that YOU can make the most of your fun-loving attitude by looking for opportunities to engage others in playful pursuits – and remember how much you enjoy and perhaps miss those opportunities . . . A simple conversation with a friend or loved one around a board game could be a profoundly satisfying experience. Let your ability to appreciate the beauty of fun and togetherness help you find the best of both worlds.

When you need to relax, having fun can perk you up and restore your energy. Recreation represents a break in your routine and an opportunity to stimulate your mind and body through play. Often, the simplest shift of attention to fun can bring about an energy surge because fun reawakens the spirit. Fun can also be a brief respite from our cares. You may also want to find ways to approach your responsibilities so that they become fun activities. The endeavors we tend to see as fun are typically absorbing, and as we engage in them, we gradually release tension, forget our worries, and become present to the moment. By allowing yourself to have fun today, you’ll experience immense relaxation and enjoyment.

Are you ready to commit to Yourself and reconnect with having fun? Then sign up for a VIP Strategy Session or perhaps a Mini Visioning Map Session Commit to yourself and see YOURSELF come to life . . . you can find out more about those tools by clicking here!

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session - Six spots available for March!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

A Six Step Plan For Getting Out Of A Funk And Back To Business

Phillis Benson — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 13:57:55 +0000

Guest Writer - Sarah Clachar

February’s a hard month in general.This is typically the time when you’re starting to have substantial doubts about everything you promised you do with this year a few weeks ago.Remember those resolutions?

It’s when bills pile up . . . deadlines start to loom . . . your belly flab hasn’t shrunk noticeably . . . and colds and flus catch you unawares.

The sparkle of the holidays has disappeared and you feel a little deflated.

And -ah yes – Valentine’s Day brings a bittersweet reminder of both the loves in your life . . . And the challenges to loving and being lovable.

February’s tough. And this February is especially tough with everything going on in the world.

It’s an easy time to get lost in a funk.

Well, if you’re feeling like you’re in a rut and struggling to get recharged, put this great 6-step process to work and get out of it.

See, this past summer I went through a pretty good funk.

I couldn’t focus on my work. I didn’t have the motivation to get things done.

All the discipline and structure I’d set up to keep my business and larger life clipping along at a good pace went flying out the window.

But luckily, I realized this wasn’t a random act of chemistry.

I recognized that there were reasons I felt this way . . . and there were ways to address these reasons.

Essentially, a mix of things were dragging me down – hard:

Some personal baggage I hadn’t dealt with was contributing to tensions with my spouse . . .
I was diving into my work without giving adequate time and attention to this precious family time . . .
And to top it off, my aging mother hit a somewhat serious situation that demanded my time and emotional energy.

Despite all of the “distractions” piling up, I tried to maintain full-time work hours.

Stupid me. This only made things worse.

Eventually I had to concede that this wasn’t working. Eventually I had to recognize this messy stuff – stuff that didn’t fit into my neat business plan and calendar. And I needed to take care of it.

So here’s what I did step-by-step so that within a couple months I was back in gear with my business.

Even better – by taking a step back – once I had resolved these “distractions” I was able to return my focus to by business with a vengeance. I have more higher-paying clients booked several months in advance now. And I’ve been able to squeeze in more projects due to my renewed energy.

And best of all, I had regained solid ground with my children and spouse. I’m healthier and trimmer. And I had been able to help my mother make some big changes that made things far better for her – taking a big burden off of me.

How To Fight The Funk

Fight The Funk Step #1: Take a Step Back From Business as Usual

Get away from distractions and let your mind ramble a bit.And I really mean get away from distractions.You still need to discipline yourself to keep things going at a reduced pace. You still have to slowly increase the pressure on the gas pedal as the weeks go on – even when your heart isn’t really into it.

But first ease off the gas. Take some focused time out and listen to the internal mumblings that are fast becoming insistent yells.

We rarely give ourselves “empty space” and time to let our thoughts surface. It’s so easy to distract ourselves with all our electronic information.

You’ll be amazed at how earthshaking clearing a little headspace can be. Even if you just take half an hour to sit with your eyes closed and ponder what’s eating you.

Fight The Funk Step #2: Hone in on the Problem and Reflect

When you find yourself dawdling on Facebook when you know you should be getting a project done . . . and this happens day after day after day . . . Listen up!

Something’s trying to get your attention.

And if you ignore it, it’s just going to get worse. Louder. And take up more of your energy and focus.

So take the time you’ve cleared out from life’s busy-ness and ask yourself: What’s getting to me? What issues have come up that I shoved to the back of my mind and replaced with work?

Also, take some time to reflect on the good things in your life. Often enough when you look at the good things, the tough things become less daunting. This is not about being Pollyanna-ish, but perspective is a powerful tool for taking on challenges and boosting your energy.

And then here’s the crucial thing . . .

Don’t spend too long dwelling on the problem once you spot it. Too much reflection can be paralyzing.

Often what we need as much as anything is to simply acknowledge that something’s wrong, identify it and then…

Fight The Funk Step #3: Brainstorm Your Solution

Figure out how you can solve this issue. What can you do - what action can you take to solve it? Can you talk to someone? Do you need to enlist some help? Do you need to confront someone? Do you need to make some changes?

The point here is to move towards action and change. Not to get stuck in feeling powerless, frustrated, bad, etc.

And even if you feel the problem can’t be solved by you, there usually is some action you can take to live more effectively and comfortably with the problem.Figure out what you can do to regain some control.Brainstorm. Be creative. Don’t nix any potential solutions outright. Allow yourself to look at different options.

And then swiftly move to the next step . . .

Fight The Funk Step #4: Create An Action Plan

Starting with your desired outcome, go backwards and map out step by step how to get there.Make the steps doable. Think about what you need to put in place to get from one place to the other.Most important for any plan, make sure it starts with something you can do just about immediately. So you can move into the action phase of getting out of your funk.

Fight The Funk Step #5: Take Action

Put your steps towards solving this problem in the calendar. Or make a big list with dates and post it on your wall.

Set a schedule and commit to doing this.

When we’re emotionally drained it’s hard to muster up the energy to get things done. And it’s easy to get overwhelmed by ambivalence.

By scheduling actions into your calendar you save yourself tons of energy.

Instead of hemming and hawing, you just do it. No debate. No internal quizzing about whether you feel up for it. Just do it.

Fight The Funk Step #6: Keep Yourself Fueled

Focus on healthy habits. Your best bet for taking care of business (and I mean everything - family, emotional, home business, and more) is to have the physical capacity to do this.

Make sure these elements are part of your schedule and daily to-do list.

Get some exercise in every day. My morning routine worked wonders for helping me get through the rest of the day. It sets the tone for the day. It gives me energy and a positive attitude right from the start.

I also integrate action into my workday so by the end of the day not only have I gotten some work done, I’ve also gotten some activity in.

Eat well. Caffeine, sugars and too many carbohydrates will in the end just drag you down – emotionally and energy-wise. Focus on good proteins, lots of vegetables and some nice fruits.

Not only will you feel better due to the good nutrition, but you’ll also know you’re doing good for yourself. Remind yourself that each bite is a positive step. Each healthy bite is an act of regaining control over your situation.

Enjoy your food – use your mealtimes and snacks to recharge. Getting out of a funk can be tough. Relax when you can and savor the moment of relaxation.

Get your sleep. When I got dragged down by a funk I was pushing it in terms of sleep. This only contributes to a short wick and inability to focus. Do what you can to get 7-8 hours of snoozing in.

Make this a priority. It is essential for building up a positive perspective and the energy to carry through with your action plan.

Step by step reconnoiter and push yourself to get back into a disciplined routine.

We need to acknowledge funks and contend with their origins.

And the nice thing about working at home is that you have more flexibility to shift your schedule in order to take them on.

You can accommodate things that come up – like funks.

But don’t get swept up in the flow. Fight entropy with this plan.

Eventually you need to chart your course. And this plan can help you do it.

Use these steps and you’ll be able to navigate the choppy waters you sometimes find yourself in without drowning in them.

Sarah Clachar created Your Healthy Home Biz based on her experience of building a natural health copywriting business at home. YHHB combines her wealth of knowledge as a health writer and researcher with that of being a home business owner. YHHB gives home business owners specific strategies, tips and inspiration on how to run your home business without running yourself into the ground. Get weekly tips sent right to your inbox plus the invaluable but free guide “The Easy Way To Sneak Exercise Into Your Workday And Get More Done” when you fill in the optin form on the right.

Committed to Change

Phillis Benson — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:48:01 +0000

Holding a Vision

Is This You? An innovative outlook could inspire you to be on the lookout for opportunities to use your creativity. You may have recently considered a number of ways in which you might change your situation or lifestyle. Now – Here – Today, you may be really ready to make those changes. You may find that your heightened creativity allows you to create detailed scenarios in your mind that in turn motivate you to take certain courses of action. If you’ve had a difficult time implementing those changes in the past, try visualizing the future that you want to create in as much detail as possible. This can give you the courage and encouragement you need to push forward.

Making the commitment to change your life and then doing something about it can be the most important steps to create the life you desire. When you have difficulty understanding how capable you are of creating what you want, your own insecurities or doubts can derail you. When you are motivated and determined, however, you can hold yourself to the course you have chosen. You can use the power of positive thinking to propel you forward, as you stay focused on taking the necessary steps. By imagining change weaving into your life successfully, you create a mind-set that allows for the results you desire to manifest. Commit yourself to implementing change today, and you will find yourself fearlessly creating what you want in life.

Are you ready to commit to Your Vision? Then sign up for a VIP Strategy Session or perhaps a Mini Visioning Map Session Commit to yourself and see Your Vision come to life . . . you can find out more about those tools by clicking here!

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session – TWO spots available for February!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Clinging to the Core

Phillis Benson — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:18:58 +0000

When Our World Falls Apart

When external factors shift we have an opportunity to rediscover our core which is the only truly safe place to call home.

There are times when our whole world seems to be falling apart around us, and we are not sure what to hold onto anymore. Sometimes our relationships crumble and sometimes it’s our physical environment. At other times, we can’t put our finger on it, but we feel as if all the walls have fallen down around us and we are standing with nothing to lean on, exposed and vulnerable. These are the times in our lives when we are given an opportunity to see where we have established our sense of identity, safety, and well-being. And while it is perfectly natural and part of our process to locate our sense of self in externals, any time those external factors shift, we have an opportunity to rediscover and move closer to our core, which is the only truly safe place to call home.

The core of our being is not affected by the shifting winds of circumstance or subject to the cycles of change that govern physical reality. It is as steady and consistent as the sun, which is why the great mystics and mystical poets often reference the sun in their odes to the self. Like the sun, there are times when our core seems to be inaccessible to us, but this is just a misperception. We know that when the sun goes behind a cloud or sets for the night, it has not disappeared but is simply temporarily out of sight. In the same way, we can trust that our inner core is always shining brightly, even when we cannot quite see it.

We can cling to this core when things around us are falling apart, knowing that an inexhaustible light shines from within ourselves. Times of external darkness can be a great gift in that they provide an opportunity to remember this inner light that shines regardless of the circumstances of our lives. When our external lives begin to come back together, we are able to lean a bit more lightly on the structures we used to call home, knowing more clearly than ever that our true home is that bright sun shining in our core.

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session – TWO spots available for February!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

A Wellspring of Wisdom

Phillis Benson — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:27:56 +0000

The world can serve as your inspiration!

Whether you are creating an artistic masterpiece, putting the finishing touches on a professional project, or attempting grand feats of self-improvement. You may find as you consider how you can achieve your goals that you are granted sudden insights that seem to materialize fully formed in your mind. Though you may look to the universe for answers, this newfound awareness likely comes from within and is the result of your emotional and intellectual maturity. Should you find yourself at a loss for ideas, meditation and soul-searching can help you turn vague notions into refined plans. You’ll likely feel that some new part of yourself has been awakened today and is guiding you toward eventual success.

When we accept that there is much wisdom that can be gleaned from intuition, we tap into a wellspring of insights that are perfectly suited to our individual circumstances. Though we may receive much well-meant advice from others, the guidance they offer will often be skewed by perspective and therefore incongruous. In looking within ourselves for counsel, we ensure that the information we receive is both appropriate to the situation and geared toward our unique needs. Since we know ourselves better than anyone in our lives can ever know us and have made a study of our inner selves through reflection, we instinctively know what is best for us. As you strive to cultivate awareness within yourself, you’ll discover that there is a wealth of knowledge in your soul.

To help you rediscover Your Power Within – please join me here – VIP Alignment Session … February Special!

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Achievement Through Positivity

Phillis Benson — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 13:51:08 +0000

Is your future looking bright? Are you feeling great as you gaze upon the many possible paths that are open to you?

Reflect on the following – feel what rings true to you — take note if you feel ‘light’ or ‘heavy’ — when you feel ‘light’ that is a great indicator that you are on your right purpose path!

In your optimism, you may discover that opportunities you once thought were out of your reach now seem attainable. If you should find yourself facing a difficult or stressful decision, you’ll likely approach it with the understanding that you are capable of overcoming it. You may feel courageous and bold in your personal and professional lives and ready to take calculated risks to build the life of your dreams. You can make the most of the confidence you feel today by asking your boss to let you handle more responsibility or by undertaking a personal project that can contribute to the fulfillment of your most precious aspirations.

Feeling positive about your prospects can be one of the most important elements in your ability to achieve your goals. Pessimistic thoughts easily become real-life roadblocks because our negative attitudes are then reflected in everything we do.

It is impossible to feel helpless or out of control when you view your world optimistically. A positive and hopeful attitude will inspire you to look for opportunities to take advantage of challenging personal and professional prospects. You’ll feel capable of addressing any difficulties the universe puts in your path and of handling distractions in an empowering way. Your attitude will carve a path that leads you to success. The positivity you feel today will give you the courage, willpower, and discipline you need to reach your goals.

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Conscious Decisions

Phillis Benson — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 18:19:35 +0000

Going Against What Is Popular

Because an idea or way of doing things is popular doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.

Just because an idea or way of doing things is popular doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. However, part of the way that something becomes popular is that many of us don’t take the time to determine what’s right for us; we simply do what most of the people we know are doing. In this way, our decisions about life are made by default, which means they aren’t what we call conscious decisions. There may be many other options available, but we don’t always take the time to explore them. This may be the result of feeling overwhelmed or pressured by family, peers, and humanity at large, to do things their way, the way things have always been done. Regardless of the cause, it is important that, as often as we can, we decide for ourselves what to do with our lives rather than just drift along on the current of popular opinion.

It is not always easy to make decisions that go against the grain. Many people feel threatened when those close to them make choices divergent from the ones they are making. Parents and grandparents may be confused and defensive when we choose to raise our children differently from the way they raised us.

Friends may feel abandoned if we decide to change our habits or behavior. Meanwhile, on our side of the fence, it’s easy to feel frustrated and defensive when we feel unsupported and misunderstood simply because we are thinking for ourselves. It can be exhausting to have to explain and re-explain our points of view and our reasons.

This is where gentleness, openness, and tolerance come into play. It helps if we are calmly persistent, consistent, and clear as we communicate to those around us why we are making the choices we are making. At the same time, we have the right to say that we are tired of talking about it and simply need our choices to be respected. Our lives belong to us and so do our decisions. Those who truly love us will stand by us and support our choices, never mind what’s popular.
Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session – TWO spots available for January!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Power in Honesty

Phillis Benson — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:08:42 +0000

Staying True to Your Word

Your honest word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others, or there will always be those who fear the truth you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.

When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.

Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence.

Cheers,

Phillis Benson

SPECIAL: VIP Alignment Session – TWO spots available!

Find out more about me – just click here!
Schedule your [no-charge] Discover Session here and let’s have a 20-minute chat about your needs!

Phillis Benson Life Coach - Divorce, Relationship, Job & Life Transitions

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**SAY YES to Fun!**